My sheets look like a crime scene.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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