Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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