i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
