I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
