Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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