if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
