I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
