Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's blow job season.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
