i just wanna soil my oats bro
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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