It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
