my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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