i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
