He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
