Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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