she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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