If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
