some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
