guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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