Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
