exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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