they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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