I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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