the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
