i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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