i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
