some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
