I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
