thus making me awesome and them whores
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
