I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
