I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
