There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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