she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
