Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We're too hungover to prance.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
