apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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