as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
