bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
