I didn't shave. On purpose
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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