i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
