I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I love you.
Bad choice
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