whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
