Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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