I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
