D3 body, D1 cock
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
