If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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