my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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