saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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