So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
