Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
