I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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