i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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