i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
