I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
