i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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