If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
