woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
