I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
