you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
