At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
